We’ve all had storms in life that feel chaotic, overwhelming, or unmanageable. During these times – whether the “out of control” storm is a sick loved one, divorce, lost job, mental illness, parenting problems, or something else – there are things you can do to feel more in control amongst the turmoil.
Recognize Your Feelings
Begin by acknowledging how you’re feeling and why you feel this way. Don’t judge your feelings or yourself as “good” or bad” during this process.
Recognize what feels out of control and sit with those feelings for a few moments. This step may not feel great, but it’s essential to identify what you’re experiencing and why you feel the way you do.
Focus On What You Can Control
“The next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, helpless, or a victim of outside circumstances, take a step back and break out a pen and paper for this exercise:
Step #1: Write down a list of all the things that are out of your control.
Step #2: Write down a list of all the things that you are currently in control of in the moment.
Step #3: Write down what is giving you the most stress.
Step #4: Write down the next best thing you can do right then.
From that point forward, reframe how you view the situation by not focusing on the things that are out of your control but by focusing on what you do have control over and the next best thing you can do in the moment.” –Thriving in the Storm: Nine Principles to Help You Overcome Any Adversity, Bill Murphy.
As you complete this exercise, you will see there will always be things you have control over in your life, like the following: your thoughts, your breathing, your personal boundaries, your work ethic, your everyday routine, and your priorities. You may notice that the list of what you CAN control is longer than what you CAN’T control – This observation is essential to transforming your mindset and doing the “next best thing” you can in the moment.
Pay Attention to What’s Certain In Your Life
Another way to feel grounded when things seem to be spiraling out of control is to focus on what’s certain in your life. This step is about concentrating on what you know is true, regardless of the “out of control” events.
Take time to recognize and write down what (and who) you can count on. While these may change over time, focus on what applies to you right now. Your list may have things like:
- Your daily blessings, such as your home, health, and pets
- People in your life, like your kids, parents, spouse, and friends
- Daily meditation, prayer, or journaling time
Do Things That Are Meaningful to You
No matter how stressful things get, set aside time to do something that brings you joy. These meaningful activities will rejuvenate your soul and help you feel more in control.
Some people forget what’s meaningful to them when life becomes overwhelming. If this applies to you, take a moment to make a quick list once again. What stirs up feelings of happiness deep inside?
If you’re still stumped, here are a few things to consider:
- Take a walk or hike to explore your surroundings.
- Spend time with your kids doing an activity that you both enjoy.
- Take up a new hobby or schedule time to revive an old hobby.
- Enjoy a hot shower or relaxing bath.
- Complete random acts of kindness to give back to others.
- If you are a hands-on person, begin a fun, new project.
- Foster a pet or volunteer at a local shelter.
Take Care of Yourself
Step away from what can’t be controlled and invest in yourself and your health. Ensure you make nutritious choices, get enough sleep, and exercise daily.
Quick note: Taking care of yourself isn’t just physical… It’s also mental and emotional. So, protect yourself from hostile environments and people that drain you. By doing these things, you will be better positioned to handle what you CAN control and deal with what you CAN’T control.
More Expert Tips
For more pointers and tips on how to feel in control when things are spiraling out of control, check out Bill Murphy’s new book Thriving in the Storm: Nine Principles to Help You Overcome Any Adversity.
“I learned how to stay the course when storms spiral out of control. That’s how you go from surviving in the storm to thriving. Those feelings of frustration, depression, despair, and hopelessness are powerful and will hold you back. You have to feel those feelings so you can process the emotion, but then you have to acknowledge, accept, and get through it, so you can get back on your feet and be headed in the direction you need to go.” -Bill Murphy